don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
