no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
