is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
