I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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