Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
