In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't put those talents on a resume
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
