Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
