Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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