I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
