you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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