I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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