We're facebook friends in real life
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
