I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
