Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize