I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
