kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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