After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
