Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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