I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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