Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
