how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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