hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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