So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
