I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
