I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
