yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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