went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
