ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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