Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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