No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
