Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
