I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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