Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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