My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
