hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
