put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
