If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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