do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
