He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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