3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
no you cant smoke seaweed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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