i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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