you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
