Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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