i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
