i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
