I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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