He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
