dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize