worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
