And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
