remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
