just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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