that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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