Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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