worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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