you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
