His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
