Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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