So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
