I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
