I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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