Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
