if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
