Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
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