I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
