he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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