I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
