dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
