Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
