I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
