i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
