But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
