i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
